***Disclaimer: I wrote this post a couple weeks ago, but my heart was too heavy to post it. I've since gained a bit more pumping power in the ticker and am willing to share. No photos or zingy quotes - just words. Thank you for reading.***
Yesterday I had a moment that will forever be cherished in my heart. I got to spend time with someone for what will likely be the very last time while she's conscious or alive. I was alone with her, holding her hand and part smiling, part crying. She was asleep most of the time, and I just watched for a bit. Then I daydreamed out the window thinking of wonderful memories I have had with her during my life.
Life is a gift, yet sometimes we throw the time away. Time is so precious. Every moment we have on this earth is intentional. I have talked about living in the moment before. Some years ago now, I actually make a conscious effort to live in the moment every single day. I journaled about it, wrote sticky note reminders about it, and recalled every new thing that I experienced each day. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. What happened?
I'm still very aware of all of the wonderful things in my life. I'm still filled with gratitude, but the difference is that I don't show it. I've been so caught up in the dramas of life that I've become blinded to the present moment. I haven't let my Universe know the thanks that I have in quite some time, and it's starting to show. You see, I'm a firm believer that one's Universe, or whatever higher power you subscribe to, listens to you intently and returns to you whatever you put out there. When I don't show gratitude, I don't get the good energies (usually in the form of concrete good stuff) in return. Yesterday my Universe gave me a little nudge to remind me that I've fallen off the wagon. I wonder if it's been sending me signals for a while and it just now took one doozy of a whack for me to pull my head out of my ass and remember that I am so privileged.
Today, my gentle reminder was in the form of a 4 year old boy who lives next door. He's a sweet kid and my husband and I have formed a bond with this little old soul (and his two older brothers). I'm not sure who will have a harder time when we move, he or I (or is it him or me, for you grammar police...whatevah)? Anyway, I was feeling sorry for myself and letting my grief get the best of me today and this little being came into my world for a couple of hours and changed everything (and by came into my world, I mean he came over to hang out and help me bake). Literally. I said to myself, "self, snap the f&$@ out of it". Death is a very sad thing, everyone deals with it. Now, it's time to put on your big girl panties and look at all the positives that have come out of this situation.
I think the biggest positive for me living where I do, is that I have some truly wonderful, kind, loving and caring people in my life. I know this now more than ever. I keep saying that family does not have to be blood relation. Though, I do have a choice few true family that I wouldn't trade for all the tea in China (hey, I really like my green tea people!). In my little Podunk world here in the middle of nowhere New England, I have been fortunate enough to gain more family at the same time that I am losing some. One door opens when one door closes kinda thing.
For this epiphany, I will say "Universe, I am beyond grateful for the wonderful people that you have brought, and continue to bring, into my life". I just hope that someday I can be there for them in the same way that they have been here for me during the most difficult time of my life. My cup runneth over and all of that la-di-dah stuff. But seriously, for those that know who they are (and I know you know who you are)....I love you to the moon and back. Thank you.
Life's a beach, and then you live on one...
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