Forgiveness is Power....

For those of you who actually follow me, my apologies for the lapse in posts. I'm just back from that extended stay on the mainland and have finally screwed my head back on.  Over the last several months I have noticed a change in myself that has put me on edge.  I've been taking things way too personal.  We all take things personal to some degree, but I have been focusing on things, little things, and turning them into demons in my life.  I am very much aware that the actions of others, unless with the express intent to cause physical harm (and most times even then), have absolutely nothing to do with me.  Do you know this?  It's true.  Peoples actions are direct reflections of "stuff" in their own lives, not yours.  Oh sure, it seems like it's about you, especially when the act invokes negative feelings inside you, but trust me, it's totally not about you.  That thought process is completely self-absorbed and, in fact, the exact same process that is going on in the offender.  Now this offender, for lack of a better word, has a ton of issues going on inside them to cause them to provoke negativity in another person.  It may be jealousy (most times), greed (often times), self-esteem (oh yeah, that's a good one) or some other "I had a terrible childhood" excuse.  They are not comfortable with themselves, and certainly have no self-acceptance.  The boiling cauldron of shame is what drives the person to act in the maleficent manner.  See, they are dealing with their own self-judgement for whatever reason, and have to project that judgement onto someone.  That someone is usually the person they most envy. 

Per Wikipedia:
Envy (also called invidiousness) is best defined as a resentful emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, experience or possession and wishes that the other lacked it."

The key word to notice in this definition is "perceived".  Perception is the answer for all wrong-doing.  Perception is also the answer to how you react to the wrong-doing.  If you perceive it to be a direct threat on your person or character, you have just fed into the offenders perception of you!  Tricky, I know, but that's the way it is.

So, in all my infinite (lack of) wisdom, why the hell am I taking things so personally???  Well, apparently, I have a negative perception of myself.  I've mentioned that I have an issue receiving all of the wonderful blessings being showered upon me.  I also have a touch of control-itis (lower self-esteem).  Basically, I have to forgive myself for all of the things my crazy brain has been processing for punishment.  As the above quote says, when you forgive yourself, you stop judging others.  Now, I'm still working hard on not judging, but response to a wrong-doing is still a judgement...is it not?  I must forgive myself in order to forgive the offender.

What to do, what to do?  I'll tell you what to do....stop taking shit so personally!  Quit being so self-centered as to thinking that everything in this world is about you.  Cease the "why are they picking on me" attitude and grow up!  Ha!  THAT'S what do to!  Seriously though, when faced with some sort of uncomfortable, emotion filled response to another person's actions, keep in mind that there is something in that person's life that is causing them some pretty significant pain.  They are not taking things out on you, they are using the envy that they have for you or your life as a means to release the hurt they feel inside.  Instead of looking at the offense as a direct threat, look at it as a direct compliment (the worse they treat you or try to hurt you, the more they want to be like you or have what you have).  Simply look at the person and say, either out loud or to yourself, "bless your heart".....from the wise, and very talented, Miranda Lambert!

One final thing I'd like to mention is that while we really must stop taking things so personal, we also must take a stand for ourselves.  We are, after all, the "bigger person".  If someone is wronging you, bless them, but also distance yourself from them.  If you can't distance yourself from them, kill them with kindness.  It may seem insincere to them at first, but a simple "I'm sorry you're having such a bad day" will throw them for a loop after they've just stabbed you in the back.  Once they realize they can't ruffle your feathers, they will move on to someone else....or take a long hard look in the mirror!

Life's a beach, and then you live on one....