A Promise Is A Promise....We're Both To Gain

 For those of you that follow, you know by now that I've recently endured a very emotional loss in my family.  While our hearts are still heavy, they are getting a little lighter each and every day.  Today I want to talk about a promise I made.
My cousin, Kristy, was a beautiful woman.  Her smile could break the grumpiest of grumps.  It was infectious.  Everyone who knew her caught her smile bug and just loved her.  A few years ago, Kristy started running, a sport I enjoy very much when my heart and mind are into it.  She worked herself up to running a half marathon last fall, and participated in triathlons around the area where she lived.  She had a rock of a support system in the form of fantastic friends.  They coached each other, motivated each other, dragged each other along for the fun ride that they all loved.

A few years ago, I had gotten into my head that I was going to run again.  I follow a pattern - I get into it and keep it going for a few years, then something gets in the way and I lose my motivation, and I stop, only to start again a few years later and repeat the process.  Well, I'm on the start again part of the wheel.  When Kristy had taken sick to the point she needed in home care, I spent the first few weeks with her daily.  During that time we had a lot of talking to do.  Aside from figuring out who her medical providers were and what exactly was available to her, we needed to know just what it was that she needed, and then get it started asap.  It took us almost three weeks of phone calls, meetings, appointments and even a little bullying to get things going for her, but we got it started.  Oh there were holes to fill, but we'd work that out as they came.  We'd also revisit her care plan as needed and bully some more if we needed things to change.  Again, when the time came.

During this three weeks of my constantly talking and her mostly acknowledging with head and hand gesturers, we managed to discuss lots of things.  See, Kristy had ALS and it was getting the best of her at that time.  She could no longer speak or walk well and was progressing almost daily.  So, to turn our attentions from the very emotional topic of her needs and care, we just randomly talk about stuff.  We reminisced about fun things we'd done together over the years.  We talked about family and friends, and that lead us to the topic of running.  Kristy knew I liked to run, but had fallen off the wagon.  She recommended the Couch to 5K program for me.  Pushed it actually.  I told her I'd take a look at it, and she swiftly scrunched her nose and shook her head and pointed at me.  Do it!  Then she smiled.  So I made her a promise (spoken by taking my right fist and putting it over my heart).  I promise.  I was serious, too.  The promise was that I help her get everything set up that she needed, then I'd start the program.   The caviat was that she had to be in my head and coach me through it.  She put that right fist over her heart in an instant.  I promise.  And then we cried because I think we were both thinking the same thing.  We looked at each other square in the eye and made those promises again to each other.  And then I saw that smile of hers.

Kristy passed away two weeks ago tomorrow.  Only two months after that conversation.  She's still in my head, mostly in my heart.  Every day that I put on my running shoes I say, "okay coach, you promised!  Now get in my head"!  She does every time.  Kristy's death was so very hard for me.  I knew it was coming.  We talked about it openly.  I've cared for terminal patients before, even those I was quite fond of.  I was never prepared for the overwhelming feelings I would have when she finally waved her white flag.  I couldn't keep my promise of setting up her health care needs for her any longer.  She had chosen a different care plan.  But, I could, can and will keep the promise of running again.  I will run for Kristy each and every time.  I will lace up my shoes and tell her to get in my head and we can run together, for each other.

Kristy taught me so very much in that very short time that I was  privileged to be with her.  We said I love you whenever we felt the need...which was a lot.  We laughed, we cried and we promised.

My first official 5K will be on November 22, 2014.  I will have finished the C25K program by then and will be ready to give it my all.  For both of us.  If you know someone who can no longer run or walk on their own, consider doing it for them.  It's a great way to keep yourself healthy, and an easy way to connect with those you have loved and lost.  I wish everyone could have my coach, but I'm not quite ready to share her.

Life's a beach, and then you live on one...