Apparently, To Give Is To Receive...

I've missed a week and am out of sorts.  Last Saturday, I embarked on the longest trip of my life so far....a trip back to the mainland.  This is a three week trip consisting of ten days in my hometown, three days with my step-children, and another seven days with my in-laws.  Aside from my inability to acclimate to east coast time (a side-effect of Hawaii living I don't mind), my head is swirling from all of the "family".  Ohana, that's was family is called where I live.  I have a new ohana where I live, and my biological ohana where I'm from.  I am probably one of the most blessed persons on the planet.  I've had a chance to see a lot of family and friends so far and will see more tomorrow.  I'm bummed about not having enough time to see everyone, but that would mean I'd either have to move back here (sorry, not going to happen) or I'd have to be away from my Paradise that much longer.  One day not so long ago, my husband and I were talking and I came to the realization that we have everything we have ever dreamed of.  When I, in a total state of panic, asked him what are we going to do, his very calm, very sincere response was "we'll just make new dreams, baby"!  Huh?  Never thought of that!  How do I do that?  I've always just added more dreams to the list and don't actually remember ever starting with a clean slate.  It's like the dream list came with me when I was born and there never really was a "dream #1".  I haven't even been able to fully express my gratitude for the dreams that I've received!  Oh lord, what do I do!!!???

Slow the hell down, first of all.  Yes, I've been told recently by the most insightful, fantastical, and crystally person I know, my acupuncturist.  Christine Rizzo-Gaastrom, for those of you who haven't heard me toot her horn, is an amazing woman.  I've been seeing her for a little over six years now and she's helped me in ways I can never repay.  Of course, I made an appointment to see her when I got here.  The best part about meeting with Christine is that her aura has a way of making me come to these a-ha moments.  So naturally, during this visit a light bulb went off for me.  I had been telling her that I'm over-wrought with guilt....catholic guilt (even though I no longer practice).  I don't feel that I'm showing enough gratitude in my life and my panic is making me lose some sleep, lack motivation and just not take as good care of myself as I know I can.  Now, I'm not out of control or anything, but I am stressing about how I can show thanks for the wonderful life that I have.  Christine's wise-beyond-her-years response, "you have to first actually receive everything you've been given".  What???  Seriously, I HAVE everything I've been given, of course I've received it.  No, actually, I have not received a darned thing.  I hold every wonderful thing I have in the palm of my hand so I can see it instead of absorbing it into my heart so I can feel it.  I'm so afraid that my Universe will wake me from this glorious, amazing dream that I won't let one single thing out of my sight.  She says that food is the only thing that I willingly allow my body to receive and that my lack of exercise is my penance for my perceived sin of not giving enough thanks.  Pretty funny since I haven't practiced any form of organized religion in over twenty years. 

My a-ha moment during this session was when I realized that if I stop for one second and slow my world down, I can actually "see" my world from inside my heart rather than just with my eyes.  Christine smiled when I told her this, then hugged me and said, "Heather, you have to receive your life into yourself and enjoy it in order to show your gratitude".  Hmmm, so what you are saying is that I have to actually live my life enjoying every moment and lapping it up like a cat laps milk in order for the Universe to know that I am grateful???  That seems so much like I'm just taking and not really giving anything in return.  I'm not really one to brag about my life and if I actually live my life any more animated, then I will be sharing it more with the people I care about and that, to me, seems a little "bragalicious".  It's funny because right after thinking this, I thought of my blog where I explained that sharing my life with people is simply giving people an opportunity to share the beauty that I see every day.  I want people who otherwise can not be with me to see the things that make me happy and hopefully feel that happiness as well.  I mean, how can you look at a photo of a beautiful sunset and not feel something peaceful in your heart.  Right?

Folks, there are two types of people in this world, givers and takers.  I am, and always have been, a giver.  I don't do well with taking.  I don't take kindly to compliments and (don't tell my husband this) I don't like getting gifts too much either.  I love birthday presents, but that's because it's the most important day of the year.  Seriously though, the feeling I get when I give a person a gift is far more enjoyable than any feeling I get when I receive a gift.  That's just me.  Now, I'm not saying that takers are horrible, selfish people, they just know the art of accepting better than I do.  I guess what I didn't realize is that when you start to actually receive with grace, you are actually giving gratitude.  Christine used the story of a person who receives a gift that she doesn't like.  She says thank you and gives you a hug, then ends up throwing away that coat you just gave her.  While, she may have truly been grateful for the gesture, she wasn't true with her gratitude.  On the other hand, the person who is truly giving thanks, will wear that coat proudly.  People will notice it and compliment on it and she will talk about it and it will start to emanate out.  It's not about the coat, it's about the feeling that she's radiating because of the act of receiving the coat.  Get it?  Don't worry, took me a minute, too, at first.  It's kind of like the pay it forward theory.  If you are so grateful for something, you live the thing you received.  You will then be happy and your happiness is contagious, thereby making other people happy and so on and so on....you have just given back your gratitude.

I've said in previous posts that one of my things to do is slow down to stop and smell the plumeria.  Well, I thought that was just so time didn't fly by, but it's actually to start living, really living, the happiness I feel in order for my Universe to get the memo that I am thankful for everything.  Today I will start to do that.  I will start to drink in my life to the point where I'm inebriated by it.  Seems pretty simple.  The best part about it is that I won't need the two Aleve and huge glass of water before I go to bed at night.  Life's a beach, and then you live on one......