Searching for the present....

Are you one of those people who is constantly worrying about the "what ifs"?  I am.  Are you one of those people who is obsessed with planning and figuring out the future before it happens?  I am.  Are you one of those people who lay awake at night thinking about something that's going to happen and trying to run every scenario "just in case"?  I am.  But why?

Well, if I had the answer to that, people, I'd be up for sainthood!  Seriously though, I'm a control freak (I've mentioned this before).  I also have a horrible habit of not living in the present....lately.  There was a time in my life, not too long ago, when I noticed everything in my surroundings.  I noticed details where details never existed.  I remember one of my first days of conscious awareness (that's when you intentionally keep yourself in the present moment and try to be aware of all the senses, for you non-crystally people), anyway, I started my day in segments and it wasn't until the third segment, my drive to work, that my eyes about popped out of my head.  Let me back up for a minute, a segment is a period of time from one action to another.  Let's not get technical, an example of what I mean is: waking up to getting to the bathroom = 1 segment; showering to getting to the door to leave = another segment; driving to work = yet another; get it now?  So, I was working really, really hard to keep in the present moment and not let my mind wander, or at 5:30 am, go back to sleep, and I started to pay attention to things on the road I was travelling.  Now, I had travelled this road Monday through Friday for five years and never noticed about a dozen gorgeous houses!  I never noticed beautiful flowering trees.  I never noticed junk heaps, cute mailboxes shaped like fish, old yellow labs laying on door steps and ,ugh, the big pothole I'd probably hit a million times!  How is this possible?  Because I was too busy thinking about crap that was out of my control that I never paid attention to the beauty of life right in front of my face!

That ride into work was an eye opener for me.  I couldn't wait to drive home when it was totally light out and see what else I had been missing on that 11 mile tour!  I was amazed!  I was also saddened. Saddened because I had missed so much in those five years.  I didn't see the beautiful sunset over that section of field where the hay baler sat (a prize winning photo that would have been).  I missed the awesome Rose of Sharon bush in bloom so big it split down the middle.  I missed the seemingly regular colonial with the two-car garage that actually had a double car lift in it which nicely housed four beautiful convertibles!!!  Sheesh, I missed a lot, but not anymore. 

Once I got over my amazement with noticing the present, I actually started living in the present during every segment of my day.  Combined with my daily affirmations (okay non-crystallies, an affirmation is a conscious declaration of thought, usually positive, to help shape your attitude.  You should try it sometime by the way), my days were filled with positive energy and truly amazing people, many of whom I saw every day but never interacted with.  Each and every day I was attracted to more and more happy people and positive events.  I couldn't believe it.  This is when I had my epiphany that The Secret wasn't a crock!  I decided to make a mental note of at least five things each day that I had never noticed before during my routine of life!  The outcome was pretty awesome.  I met a ton of people who touched my life in various ways, but all positive, who I still consider dear to me and keep in touch with (albeit through Facebook these days).  Opportunities came freely for my choosing.  My frustration with control seemed to diminish.  But, I have to say the most unexpectedly amazing thing that happened was that I met the man I now call my husband!

Now, when I started this whole blog thing, I did so as a sort of public journal.  It's a motivator for me.  It's a way to get my thoughts "on paper" and be able to go back and reflect on what I was thinking at a later time.  There's no rhyme or reason for what I put in here.  There's no pre-planned outline or required topic.  I just write.  I write from my heart and sometimes allow my head to get in the way just to see what happens.  Today I was brainstorming from reminiscence, if that makes sense.  What I know is that halfway though this rather short essay, I came to the realization that I no longer live in the moment...at all.  There are times when I notice things like sunsets and rainbows, but that's mostly because they are so beautiful they slap me in the face.  What I didn't realize is that those slaps in the face are my Universe's (nature's?) way of saying "get your head out of your ass, Heather, and smell the damn roses before they die"!!!  Yep, just had this a-ha moment right now.  So, you see, this blog is all for me.  For me to figure out what's in this crazy, spun up, ADD, control freak head of mine.  Oh, and if someone reading it comes to the same a-ha moment and starts living a happier life by choice, great!  With that folks, I'm going to close so I can go smell some roses....or plumeria (they are in bloom).  Life's a beach, and then you live on one.....