Sunny With A Side Of......Silence

It's the most wonderful time of the year.....NOT!  Okay, I don't know about you, but winter is my most dreaded time of year.  It's dark, it's cold (yes, even here in Paradise), it's short days and long weeks.  Do you suffer from S.A.D.?  It's a real thing, ya know!  I'm not going to go into seasonal affective disorder, but I am going to talk about my attitude.  Lately, it sucks.

When I started this blog, I mentioned that it's really just a simple journal of my honest thoughts.  If one person reads it and thinks, "hmmm, I know that feeling", then great.  If no one reads it, then at least I've done my journal and can look back and reflect on the good, bad and ugly of my life from week to week (cough, cough....I need to actually post week to week, right?).  Anyway, I was on a roll with positivity then WHAM!, negativity whacked me up side the head.  At first, I thought it was hormonal.  Then, I thought it was due to lack of sleep.  Finally, the light clicked on and I realized that it's the time of year when my life tends to get out of whack for no apparent reason.  So, what did I do?  Well, the last couple of weeks, I've been taking inventory.  I've been consciously trying to recognize negatives in my life and ridding myself of them.  Problem is, I'm finding negatives that grind into my being that I just can't seem to part with.

Do you have people in your life that you love to the moon and back, but who you let aggravate you at times.  I say "let" because that's what we do.  We let people invoke emotion in us.  Why do we do this?  Because we are at a point in our lives where our self-worth is wavering.  We feel that we are not worthy of stopping the madness, so to speak.  We'd rather "let" people get to us, than stop them in their tracks.  Thing is, it's really hard to stop people from pushing their negativity on us because it's out of the circle of our control (remember that saying?).  We can not change actions, thoughts or overall being of others, only ourselves.  What the heck to we do then?  Welllllllll, that's where I'm at a cross-roads.  Technically, my crystally self would say get rid of the negatives!  However, sometimes that's just not possible under certain circumstances.  This is especially true when you have awareness that the reason why other's negatives get to you so much is because your guard and self-worth are down.
As I said, it's been a couple weeks since the last post, and I just didn't feel comfortable posting before this because I didn't have a firm grasp on my emotions and thoughts.  I do now.  I've really taken some time to sit with my thoughts (mostly because I'm sleep deprived and have nothing else to do at 2 am).  Here's what I've come up with, I'm going to do nothing.  Literally!  When someone gets to me due to attitude, judgement, insecurity, whatever, I'm going to do nothing.  I'm not going to grace them with a response.  I'm not going to grace them with a reaction.  See, that's why they are the way they are.  Their own self-worth is based off of the reactions that they get from people.  The stronger the reaction, good or bad, the stronger their self-worth.  If we don't react, they don't gain anything and they stop the undesired behavior.  Therefore, I'm just not going to react.  No arguing, no engaging, no emotion.  I keep coming back to my gal, Miranda Lambert, but she did say it best.....just smile and say "God bless" (or Buddah, Yahweh, Allah...you get my point).  That girl seriously rocks, by the way.

It should be interesting the first few times I play mute.  Mostly because I am anything but a mute person.  I am going to take notes too.  I want to see if the people who are the biggest offenders actually learn anything from my silence.  I know that I am one of the those people who actually reflect back on my actions when left in an uncomfortable situation or silence.  Truth is, I don't truly don't think there will be much of an effect with some of the offenders in my life.  They are just too self-absorbed to get the hint.  But, for the very few who have potential, the change could be significant.  The biggest challenge for myself won't be the silence part, but the internal reaction.  This will be good for me, as I need to work on my own internal self.  Many times, our heads say one thing, but our hearts say another.  This is why I'm in conflict right now.  I KNOW the answers, I just need to start BELIEVING them.  I guess you could say this is my constant change for the better.  I wish everyone would practice this.

My test begins today.  Can you test yourself?  Give it a shot.  Next time you are faced with a person who is judgmental, critical, opinionated or down right nasty, just give them a sincere smile and say "God bless", or better yet, avoid the opportunity for ridicule if you don't subscribe to "god", and give them a great big "bless your heart"!!!  I guarantee you'll feel better and they will shut up.

Life's a beach, and then you live on one...