Time Heals All Wounds...Bulls@%&!

Remember when you were little and you'd fall and get a scrape and mom would come and put the pink stuff on (ouch!!) and then a band aid and then miraculously when the band aid came off the cut was gone!!??  (Deep breath from that run-on sentence)  Well, I think it's time to bring that pink stuff back into mainstream wound healing.  What ever happened to that stuff anyway?  I really believe that stuff, plus the band aid, were the miracle cures!  Too bad they don't work on wounds of the heart and mind.
Oh hell, don't worry, this isn't going to be a sappy post...you should know me by now.  But I do want to talk about past hurt.  It affects us no matter what we tell ourselves.  Depending on the type and severity of the hurt it can also shape how we live our lives, conduct ourselves, interact with people and carry on relationships of all types.  Hurt leaves scars.  Some heal and vanish, some are there as constant reminders of what has made us strong, if we're lucky!  Lots of people look at their scars as negatives.  I remember growing up I had this friend who had a huge scar on his abdomen.  When we were younger he tried to keep it covered.  As we got older, he didn't care anymore.  I always thought it was the coolest looking scar on the planet.  I've met a bunch of people over the years with various significant scars.  For some reason, I look at these people with scars as stronger people.  Hmmm.

So, we all have scars.  Some visual, some not.  What those scars mean to us is unique and different to ever person.  For me, some of my deepest scars are not visual.  Those are the scars that have made me stronger.  I've learned from the pain that caused those scars and rose above the damage that pain tried to do.  I have some scars, though, that are still visual.  Oh, they may not be physical scars on my body, but they are still visual to me in some way.  I have one scar in particular that causes me stress more often than I'd like.  I guess I should call it a reminder rather than a scar, but that's what a scar is right, a reminder of a wound that once existed.  This scar of mine, it never seems to fully heal.  There's always a small part of it that still needs the pink stuff and band aid.  Then something will happen and the wound will open up again and I start the whole stingy pink stuff process all over again. Well, this time, I've decided to forgo the medicine and bandage and just let the cut air dry!

What the hell is she talking about???  Haha!  Sometimes we just get pushed so far into a corner of hurt that we can't take it anymore.  That's where I am now.  My life is not in an upheaval or anything and for the most part it has little impact generally speaking.  But, sometimes the storm brews and I get all riled up and for that short period of time my life is kind of messy.  I'm tired of that happening and this has caused me to evaluate the situation and seek a second opinion, if you will.  It appears that the treatment I had been receiving has been the wrong treatment all along and now it's time to start a new treatment.  One that will hopefully close the wound and, with enough vitamin E, leave no visible scar.
Good lord, speak English woman!  Okay, okay, to put it bluntly, we all make mistakes and poor decisions in our lives.  I made mine and I've been dealing with the outcome of those mistakes for quite some time.  I tried to take the high road and be a good, responsible person, but that has just put me in that corner.  I have finally sought a second opinion, literally, and realize that I now have additional options.  I will have some negative consequences from these alternative choices, but nothing too damaging and nothing I can't handle.  So, I'm going to go for it and rid myself of this festering wound once and for all.  Rip the band aid off, deal with the quick pain and be done with it.  I'm going to finally take control of my life, with the loving support of my awesome husband, and put this piece of my past deep in the ground where it belongs. Then, maybe then, I will be able to move forward in my life without the constant reminder of failures and poor choices that I've made.  I'll be able to rid myself of the negativity that this small part of my past has brought with such impact to my life now.  For once I'm going to hold my head high and make the choices that are right for me even if they are wrong for others.  These are my decisions that are affecting my life, it's time I start making the right ones and feel proud for doing it.

There!  As to the point, yet oh so vague as possible.  After all, this is not about picking apart every detail of my personal life, it's about learning from those details and being able to share the overall meanings and outcomes with others.  Oh, and maybe there's just a little self-convincing that I personally get out of journaling, just to make sure I'm sure about things!  Hey, it's my blog!

Here's some crystally information for you:

MandalasThe Tibetan mandala is a tool for gaining wisdom and compassion and generally is depicted as a tightly balanced, geometric composition wherein deities reside. The principal deity is housed in the center. The mandala serves as a tool for guiding individuals along the path to enlightenment. Monks meditate upon the mandala, imagining it as a three-dimensional palace. The deities who reside in the palace embody philosophical views and serve as role models. The mandala's purpose is to help transform ordinary minds into enlightened ones.

If you've never seen or heard of mandalas, then I suggest you google it!  They really are quite beautiful.  I'll leave you with three of my favorites!!!

Life's a beach, and then you live on one...