To Justify Or Turn Away...

I'm a 43 year old, educated woman.  I own a home, I've had a rewarding career.  I have friends and family who love me.  My husband is pretty awesome, and my dog lights up my days.  My husband and I have very few "wants" in the world.  We are pretty happy with our lives as is and if there should be something that we desire, we get it.  Period.  He and I have a very good relationship when it comes to discussing the wants that we may have.  If what we want works with our current situation and lifestyle, fine, if not, maybe another time.  Why is it then that there are so many people that feel the need to question me on aspects of my life?

I get everything from, "are you two having children", to "why don't you have a job" and even "how can you afford that" (yes, I have actually had people ask this)?  I have judgment cast on me if I don't attend a social function, and the "hmmm" look if I happen to share that I have a housekeeper (which for the record, I currently do not have).  When did all of these people suddenly start walking in my shoes?  Since there are so many in my shoes, is it okay then if I decide what I will have then start dealing with in my life?  Can I start to task people with doing some of the less than desirable things for me?  No?  Why the hell not?  If they want that much into my personal life, why can't they have some of the mundane stuff?

Good lord, woman, why are you so defensive?  haha!  I'm not defensive...now.  I'm merely pointing
out the tension that goes through my head (and sometimes my fists) when I'm faced with some of the questions that people have the gall to ask others.  This weekend I was asked by a dear friend what exactly it is that I do everyday since I'm currently unemployed.  For some reason that question caused such a fire in my chest.  She said that since I currently don't work, it's my "job" to do all of the domestic duties for our house.  Really?  Because I didn't do them even when I did have a full-time job?  Now those chores somehow make up for my lost pay and what I contribute to our lives?  I immediately got defensive, and ended up stewing on it for the rest of the night.  Why?  What the hell do I care what other people think of me and the choices I make?  My husband is the only person on this planet that gets to have influence on what I do or do not do.  My husband is the only person on the planet that knows what we have in the bank, what we may owe and what we are saving for.  No one else.  Why then is it totally okay for people to think that they have a right to ask such personal, intrusive questions of each other.  One person's expectations of themselves or their partner does not equal the same expectations of others.  I don't feel that my worth from a financial standpoint must equal the amount of "work" I put into my home, marriage or family.  My worth is so much higher than anything I "do" everyday, and I'm very comfortable saying that.  I don't need to punch a time clock doing domestic duties or in a paying career to feel this way.  It took me a long time of guilt ridden, sleepless nights to finally figure this out.  Our society has become so judgmental that we have to find out what everyone else is doing just so that we can justify our own worth.  I for one, will not subscribe to that mentality.

Lots of questions here, I know.  It really does make me wonder about society though.  Why is it that a married woman with no children is considered a "kept" woman if she doesn't have a job?  Even worse, why is it that a woman of a certain age is required to answer the barrage of questions as to why she doesn't have children?  The simple truth is, we don't live in other people's shoes.  We don't know what circumstances they are in.  We don't pay their bills and sleep in their beds at night.  I truly could care less why a couple has no children, in fact, I tend to wonder more about those that have more than one!  I don't care what job you have or how much you make.  I don't care the car you drive or the label on the clothes you wear.  What I care about in a person is how they treat others, and if they are happy.  I live each day to see the happiness in those around me.  I really do.  Down me for scrolling through Facebook everyday.  I don't do it to keep up with the gossip or the drama.  In fact, I have no drama on my newsfeed as I've eliminated, no questions asked, those that surround themselves with it.  I do it to see the wonderful things that are happening with my friends and their families (and every now and again to get a chuckle from some stupid cartoon someone posts).  I can say that I really do surround myself with positive people.  Oh sure, we all have a day or two when life gets in the way and things pile a little too high on our shoulders, but I'm talking about people with a genuine positive outlook on life, regardless of what they do for a living or how they put their pants on in the morning.

Some parts of me would love to have a great zinger to come back with for those people nervy enough to ask me stupid questions or cast judgment on me based on their own insecurities.  I don't.  I'm sure they can see my defense mechanisms kick in, and I hope that's enough make them just as uncomfortable.  What I will plan to do from here on out is to look the person square in the eye and tell them without hesitation that I do what I want, when I want each and every day, I don't want children because that's what my husband and I have decided, and I afford the things that I have because both my husband and I have worked very hard and planned wisely to get us to the place that we are at, without the help of others.  And then I will simply use the line I love most in the world...bless your heart!

If there is any one thing you get from reading this drivel, it will be that I hope if you are the type of person to ask these questions of others (or even to think them of others) that you will take a good look at what makes you so uncomfortable about someone else's situations that you have to try to make them uncomfortable by justifying them.  To each his own.  Be happy for the people in your life, not jealous.  Support the people in your life, don't try to bring them down.  We all struggle day to day with little nuances in our own hearts.  Isn't that enough?  Let's try to be a world where we truly are giving and loving unconditionally.

Life's a beach, and then you live on one...